After a very extensive talk today with my niece (AM) there left no doubt that genetic imprinting of our DNA is strongly interwoven within our family tree.  She is, in many ways, so like me.  She is a tough, strong, intelligent woman.  So am I.  So was my father’s mother, and HER mother, as is my daughter, as is her daughter.  I’m sure there should be some begets and begots in here, but I can’t be bothered to figure out how to work them in.  We are a matriarchal force that will not be ignored.

My niece and I share some very common ground when it comes to suffering fools – we don’t.  People are amazed that I am still single after all these decades.  Not me.  I KNOW why I’m alone.  Do you want the list?

I “see” through men.  I SEE them, what their hearts hold.

I have zero tolerance for falseness.

I believe myself to be intellectually superior to most men I meet.

I am difficult to live with, because basically no man can really teach me anything.

I don’t look at men; I could get side-tracked and end up in a Turkish bath – the inhabitants of which would go unnoticed to me.

I think size matters; as do most women….(sorry guys, Truth is painful).

I could give a rat’s behind what people think of me. (This could be the Aspie in me.)

Once I’m done with a man I am DONE.

I secretly voice alternative conversations in my head if I’m with a guy who is boring.

I am too direct and often hear conversations that go something like this:

Him: Oh my GAWD Jone, you’re SO FUNNY!

ME: (With a deadpan expression) “No, really it’s over!  I’m not going on one more date while your mother insists on coming to dinner, cuts your food, then sits between us at the movies!”

Him: You SLAY meeeeee! (Tears of laughter in his eyes).  So should Mum and I pick you up tomorrow at seven?

I think it would be helpful if everyone wore armbands.  Men AND women.  In this way we could, at a glance, be more diplomatically inclined to gravitate towards people of our own tribe and eliminate all the exhaustive and emotional go-arounds while trying to wade through the honeymoon period of dating.

Armbands with Colour Identifications

Yellow – liar, cheat, bad breath, smoker, alcoholic, drug user, lives at home

Blue – sensitive, likes to go the beach/mountains/hiking, can fix a leaky faucet, enjoys snow shoveling, likes to kill bugs

Red -  has a temper, favorite character in literature Peter Pan, deeply religious with no tolerance for religious beliefs other than their own, bigot/many prejudices

Orange – organic foods only, vegetarian or variation thereof, pet lover, loves children

Half a rainbow – heterosexual on the down low

Grey – likes to borrow your under things, unclear what gender they really are, can decorate your living area better than you can

White – esoteric, avid reader, enjoys museums and an occasional café au lait, thinks facial hair is disgusting

Green – likes to grow things, has long hair, resonates with Native American beliefs, likes to drum, and appreciates international music, owns a didgeridoo

Purple – lives in the Astral plane

I hope this idea of mine catches on – it would make life so much easier by identifying the “Come hithers”  from the “GO aways!”

Tags: armbands, DNA, identifying people we want to date, intellecturally superior, liars, matriarchal, size matters, Turkish bath, zero tolerance for falseness